In anticipation of the move, we didn’t renew our lease and instead moved to an apartment with less square footage than we’d had previously. We also started making plans for thinning down our possessions to make packing easier and to make living in such a giant city possible. There were so many things to do, but at the time we felt we should be open to this adventure to see what could or would unfold. Then, the adventure stalled. Since it wasn’t a sure thing yet, we wanted to wait until things were in motion to tell anyone. We’d left so many boxes packed in anticipation of moving again, and then we waited…and waited…and waited. If you’re wondering, a small apartment is a fantastic location to thin down your belongings. That said, I recall a day or two when I might have screamed into a pillow in between trying to figure out where exactly to put those boxes. After months of waiting, we finally had our answer. The job met a roadblock and didn’t materialize, which meant neither did the other one.
The move never happened.
The aftermath was so very confusing. If ever there was a “what now?” moment, that was it. So much leading up to that had felt like God was possibly leading us to exactly that place and suddenly we were more disoriented than we’d been to start. It felt like salt in a wound. To get comfortable with the idea of something so unexpected just for it to not happen left us with this unshakeable feeling that if there were good in it…maybe God was calling us to step out in faith. For what, we didn’t know. Periods of waiting are often periods where God is forging your faith deeply and meaningfully. It’s difficult and often very slow work. On the surface, it looks like nothing is happening. Do you know what that’s like—when people typically know you to be someone who is often practical to a fault, and then the outward appearance of your obedience (or at very least openness to possibilities) looks like failure? It’s like instead of crying “wolf” over and over, you’re standing in the middle of a wilderness crying “faith”…and nothing happens. We felt like God had driven us to the middle of nowhere, dropped us off with our packed bags, and left us to wait for some undetermined time. A place we hadn’t planned on living even just six months, we’d live for going on more than six years. Things were happening though. Seasons of stillness feel like defeat but growth is always happening under the surface.
This is part 4 of 31 in a personal story participating in the Write 31 Days Challenge. To start at the beginning or to see all the posts in order, click here. If you want to follow along, follow on social media or subscribe as a reader to Eclectic Affinity.
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